Pensamentos estapafúrdios

            Acordei tarde, com o chamado do despertador cócórócó. Me deram um despertador-galinha, meio cafona, meio fofo, mas com alguma utilidade. O problema é que todos os dias acordo perturbada. Pensei em aposentar o objeto e usar um despertador de gente um pouco mais normal ou, quem sabe, fazer como tantas pessoas e programar o celular para me alertar que preciso levantar da cama. Mas vou achar outra coisa. Desisti, resolvi abraçar a galinha e aceitar que a minha sina é acordar perturbada. 
            No caminho para a cozinha pensei em procurar um despertador-vaca, pode ser mais engraçado acordar com um múúúúúú. Pensamentos estapafúrdios sobrevoam a minha mente pela manhã, nunca soube decifrar esse traço da minha personalidade, só sei que imagino situações e coisas e histórias que se eu fosse colocar no papel daria um livro. Muito maior que a Bíblia.
             Peguei o jornal e me encostei no balcão para tomar café, mas não consegui me concentrar nas manchetes. Lembrei da cena de um filme que não recordo o nome, tampouco a graça da personagem principal, só me detive na frase que ela dizia. "Tô cansada de fazer as refeições sozinha, dormir sozinha, acordar sozinha e levar o cachorro para fazer cocô na rua sozinha". Comecei a rir, afastei a cena da memória e fui checar os compromissos da agenda. O dia estava preguiçoso, desisti de correr e resolvi ficar de pijama, trabalhar em casa tem esse tipo de vantagem, posso me arrumar ou não, usar roupa velha ou não, pentear o cabelo ou não, ficar sozinha. Ou não.     
               Post-Its espalhados pela tela do computador, alguns papéis com anotações em cima do teclado, muita coisa para fazer. Sempre gostei de correr contra o tempo, funciono melhor sob pressão, por isso adoro prazos.  O aperto me deixa confortável e mais criativa. Se eu tenho um longo tempo vou empurrando com a barriga, deixo para fazer depois e depois e depois até ficar com a corda no pescoço, então funciono que é uma beleza. Devo gostar de viver no perigo. Sozinha. De novo, a atriz que não lembro o nome. O filme que esqueci como se chama. A cena. A frase. E eu pensando nisso. E a corda começou a me enforcar. As coisas ficam batendo na minha porta, chega uma hora que não dá para fingir que não tem ninguém em casa. Abri.Todos os dias pela manhã eu tomo café sozinha, é automático. Pego o jornal, coloco em cima do balcão, me encosto nele, faço carinho com a sola do pé na cadela que está no chão esperando algum pedaço de maçã cair. Sei que hoje na hora do almoço vou comer o que sobrou do frango daquele restaurantezinho chinês lá da outra quadra. Já sei que vou aquecer no microondas e as bordas ficarão quentes e o meio frio. E já sei que, de acompanhamento, vou pegar duas ou três bolachas cream cracker. E meu almoço vai ser em pé, no balcão, sozinha. Isso não me incomoda, será que deveria? Me sinto bem sozinha, de vez em quando é chato, morar só tem lá as suas desvantagens. Não é sempre que você tem com quem conversar. Você tem que se virar para comer. Você tem que lavar as suas roupas. Você tem que atender o telefone. Mas eu sempre fugi das regras. Converso com a cadela. Peço ou invento comidas. Mando a roupa para a lavanderia. A secretária eletrônica fala por mim. Terceirizo problemas, essa é a lei. Tudo é terceirizado. Menos o cocô da cadela. 
               Dormir sozinha é uma beleza. Ninguém ronca na sua cara. Ninguém puxa o cobertor. Ninguém te dá um tapa sem querer ao virar para o lado. Mas ninguém te dá bom dia. Ou boa noite. Ou te abraça quando esfria. Existe o lado ruim, mas não entendo a tal personagem do filme. Você pode dormir ou acordar quando quiser, como quiser, além de colocar na sua cama quem - obviamente - você quiser com, de quebra, a liberdade de mandar embora o indivíduo na hora que der na sua telha, afinal, a cama é sua. Nela você manda. Nela e na sua vida

" I LOVE YOU" DOESN'T MEAN THAT MUCH

Saying: "I love you" doesn't mean that much...



You think you're loved by someone just because he/she just said that to you?

A real love demonstration requires more than just kisses, sex and words...

To feel loved by someone is feeling that this person is really interested about your life;

When this person cares about your happiness;

when this person feel worried when things are not working out;

when this person is always willing to listen what you have to say to him/her, and also, when the person blow your mind when you must need.

Being loved is when the person reminds things you've told he/she 2 years ago;

when he/she gets sad when you are sad;

When he/she smiles gently and says "you're making a big deal for nothing."

A person feels being loved by someone when he/she doesn't see the bad feelings transformed in weapons during an arguing;

A person feels being loved when is feeling accepted, completed;

When you know that everything you say will be well comprehended.

A person feels being loved the moment that is feels secured to be who exactly is, without inventing a character for the relationship, because no character could lasts for so long...

A person feels being loved when doesn't gasping, but sigh;

When the person doesn't speak loud, but talks;

When the person doesn't agree with something, but yet still listen it.



NOW, SIT DOWN AND LISTEN: "I LOVE YOU" DOESN'T MEAN THAT MUCH.

Be an idiot for change!!

           Be an idiot sometimes is vital to happiness ... Boring people that choose to always be serious, deep and visceral forever. fml! Life's a mess, why make it, moreover, a treaty? Leave the serious to the hours witch is inevitable: death, separation, pain... The day-by-day, for God's sake, be an idiot!Laugh your ass of your own defaults, and of those who find defaults in you, who have to carry their ugly face every day. Poor them.

 Thousands of marriages ended not for lack of love, money, sex, but for the lack of idiocy. Treat your love as your best friend. Who told us the life is better to share with someone  who has advice to all, sensible solutions, but can not laugh when trips? hahahahahahahahaha! ...Someone who knows how to solve a family crisis, but has no idea how to fill the free hours of a weekend? How long since you went to the movies? It's pretty common people get lost when they eventually lost the problems. So, what they will do now that they don't have any more reasons to despair? They unlearned play. I do nt want someone like that in my life. Do you? I hope not.
         They say that everything that is more difficult is tastier, but ... the reality is already hard, dense..Play it cool. Got it? Forget what you learned about being an adult, everything about not to play with food, not talking trash, do not be immature, do not cry, do not walk barefoot, do not take rain. Jump rope! Adults can (and should) tell jokes, walk in the park, and laugh out loud ;lick the lid of the yogurt. Adulthood is not to lose the pleasures of life - and this is the only "no" really acceptable. Test the theory for one week to begin with. See and feel things as if they were what they really are: temporary.Wake in the morning and decide between two things: stay in a bad mood or move forward... Good is to have a problem in the head,a smile in the face and peace in the heart!

              In fact, give your problems in the hands of God and how about a nice cup of coffee now?Life is a play that does not allow trials. So sing, cry, dance and live intensely before the curtain closes!

who does not care, ends up with some competition (Modern woman in Brasil)

     One of this days i was in a bar with my friends, we were talking about dates,we have different names to justify our different stages in relashionship..but no matter what stage we are we all know one thing: "Quem não dá assistência,abre pra concorrência." This say here is very famous,and we all learn since we are very little,doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl..means that we have to take care of what is ours,by that we understand the other person that is dating you.Suddenly we were all involved in a BIG discussion:the modern woman in Brasil in relashionships today,same rights,etc...my guy friends were saying that the more they go out on dates,more in chock they get,of course we cant forget that Brasil have a very macho culture,and they all cheat what is going on now,is that cheat now is like a gol(goal in soccer game),if you don't give you will for sure receive it..and here is very hard for guys to face that woman have the same rights now,and truth is that woman is getting worst than guys..lol..anyways,this hole discussion made me think..what would be a modern woman in Brasil?

    She would be a woman that loves herself above all, she will not waste actually she doesn't have time for futility and games. She works hard, she is sentimentally independent.   The modern woman is a very good companion,she is brave, a confidant,partner and lover ... The one who sometimes has a sudden attack of jealousy, but still ... she has no shame in admitting she is wrong and run back into your arms. She is the one who can be strong and sweet, messy and beautiful at the same time.

    Anyway ... the Modern Woman is the one who is not afraid of anything or anyone, she faces life, stand for herself, and for what she feels no matter what. So .. after a "investigative process" about these modern women, I found out the worst: She will leave you ... unless you follow rules:

     - Never leave a brazilian modern woman feeling insecure. Previously they used to cry. Today, they just cheat on you, mercilessly. - Other thing: don't think she has crystal ball,and powers. She has to hear from your mouth how much you like her. Any doubts in this matter may lead to negative consequences mentioned above.

    - Don't think it's normal to go out with friends (either to drink, play football ...) more than twice a week, three times is signing certificate of "horned".The modern women hardly get angry about this behavior, however they are categorically "full of love to give" and they still have the need of male presence. If it's not yours my friend ... Well ... then someone else. 

    - When you say you'll call, call, other wise she might call that great ex who was good in bed. (Just saying). She might end up calling someone who will give her attention.

      - Satisfy her sexually. But dont pretend to satisfy her. The "modern women" have a great disposition for sex,especially from 20 to 38 years, they think about it - and they want - to have sex every day (amazingly, but it's the truth) ... well, no need to say that if it is not with you ..

        - Give her attention. But mostly make her realize it. Flirting guys full of bad (or good) intentions are everywhere, and they are experts when they want to take a woman to the sky. So you take her, after all, is she yours or not?? 

       - Forget about playing games and trying to make her feel jealous. insecure woman is a cheat machine.And under any circumstances, make her wonder  that you might be seeing someone else. This "supposition" on their part also opened to a "cheat" so loud that when you wake up, my friend, someone else already exist MUCH MORE "eater" than you ... but the main dish, at this point will be... YOUR woman.

        You know that good looking guy, you know, would go out with your woman anytime. Well .. suddenly the reciprocal can also be true. Simply her, for just a second, think that you deserve ... When you notice ... so try to be less tired. The modern woman also worked all day and probably still has lot of energy to give;like the old men here used to say:"dar uma",means do a quickly one and just turn to the side and sleep.

        - Go back to doing the things you guys used to in the beginning of the relationship. If you started in october clubbing, hanging out in unusual places , exchanging hot emails or spicy phone calls there is a large chance that she misses all of that. The modern woman can not miss these things ...otherwise... 

          Anyway ... That's what they say here "who does not care, ends up with some competition." Plus, if you are next to a woman you really like ... Then  you should know better!you are fully aware that currently the market is not for fishing here (i speak of quality,there's is not a lot of good ones out there), think carefully before playing games and hurting her feelings ... You need to protect her, love her, and especially ... let her know how special she is. She will think a million times before giving a chance to some "hunk" who is all over her. She ... with no doubt, will keep looking at you! 

Some truth about Brasil..

- Brazilians are a solidary people.
That’s a lie. Brazilians are simpletons. They elected a guy to the most important position of the State who doesn’t have schooling nor preparation to even be a public street cleaner, only because he has had a hard life. They pay 40% of their wages in taxes and to still assist the poor in place of having the government find a solution to poverty. They accept that human rights NGO’s keep giving guesses about how we should treat our problems of criminality. That they do not protest each time the government buys mattresses for prisoners who burned theirs on purpose, isn’t a trait of a solidary people. It’s a trait of a stupid people.
- Brazilians are a happy people.
That’s a lie. Brazilians are ridiculous. To make light of the filth that we see on a daily basis is the same thing as taking a punch in the face and then laugh about it. To listen to José Simão make a joke in regards to a massacre that lasted four days in São Paulo, is the same thing as telling a joke at your father’s funeral. Brazilians have a serious problem. When a scandal happens, instead of protesting and finding resolutions as a citizen, they laugh it off.
- Brazilians are a working people.
That’s a lie. Brazilians are as lazy as it gets. Brazilians try to fool themselves, pretending that the politicians which hold public office in Brazil magically landed there from Mars, when in reality, they are a representative of the people themselves. Brazilians, at the same time that they become disgraced upon seeing a deputy receiving 20 thousand dollars per month, for working 3 days and scratching their balls the rest of the week, also feel envy. They know that deep down, if they were in the deputy’s place, they would do the same thing. A people that agree to receive 90 dollars monthly from government assistance for not doing anything, much less taking advantage of this to improve their lives (a reality of the vast majority of beneficiaries of the Bolsa Família program), can’t be anything but lazy.
- Brazilians are an honest people.
That’s a lie. They were; today, it’s a much needed quality. If you were to offer 50 euros to a European policeman for him not to write you up, you’d probably get nailed. Not for fear of being caught, but because he knows it to be wrong to accept a bribe. The Brazilian, at the same time that he’s disgraced by government corruption, secretly thinks about what he would do if he got in such a pickle, when in reality bribing a policeman would come as an option.
- Ninety percent of slum dwellers are honest and hard-working people.
That’s a lie. They were in the past. Historically, the slums started in the hills of the city of Rio de Janeiro when the blacks and mulattos returned from the Paraguayan War to settle there. At that time, those who lived there were honest people, who had no other living options and didn’t accept criminality. Today the reality is different. Many fathers dream that their son would be accepted as a drug-runner to earn some good money. If the majority of the slum was honest, they would have already kicked out the bandits, who could retaliate by killing a few people, but never millions of them. Aside from this, they could cooperate with the police in the identification of the criminals, stopping them from setting up shop in their slums.
- Brazil is a democratic country.
That’s a lie. In a democratic country, the will of the people is the law.
The majority of the people think that a good criminal is a dead one, but they also succumb to a noisy few that hurry to say that a criminal who died in the crossfire was coldly executed. In a country where everyone has rights but no one has obligations, there doesn’t exist democracy, only anarchy. In a country where the majority blindly succumb to the noisy few, there isn’t democracy, only an imperfect hypocrite. If we take away the idea of political correctness, we would see that we live in a feudal society: a king that retains the central power (the President and his military police), followed by the dukes, counts, archdukes and feudal men (ministers, senators, deputies, mayors and the town council). All of them sustained by the people that pay taxes with one possible end, to pay for the privileges of such power. And still we are obligated to vote. This is democracy? Think about it!
- The Brazilian way.
The famous Brazilian way of exchanging favors in my opinion, is one of the biggest reasons for the chaos that we have in Brazilian politics. Brazilians think of themselves as sly and very smart. They steal their neighbor’s cable television and think they’re laying it all on the line. On a different day, the cashier at the bakery mistakenly gives back 6 dollars extra, and wouldn’t you know it, silently he sneaks away as happy as if he had won the lottery…sly bastards, they forget that they pay the highest interest tax on the planet and the return is zero. Zero health, zero jobs, zero education, but then again, who really cares? In the end we are five-time World Cup champions, right? What an accomplishment.
- Brazil is the country of the future.
Man, my grandparents used to say that in 1950. A lot of times I start to imagine how they would be revolted and ashamed if they were still alive today. They escaped this particular shame…Brazil, the country of the future?! The future is here and we already had one of the worst tax growths in the world.
- God is Brazilian.
Wow, this one I won’t even comment on…

The Joy in Sorrow

     The title of this text is not actually mine, but from a uruguayan writer called Mario Benedetti. The original, is called "Alegría de la tristeza" and is in the book "La vida ese parentesis" that as far as i know remains unknown in Brazil.
     The poem says we can grieve for several reasons or for no apparent reason, we can get sad by ourselves or by the pains of the world, it may come from a word or a gesture, but it always comes up and we must get ready to receive it, because there is an unexpected joy in the sadness that comes from the fact that we can still feel it.
      It may seem confusing but is a releath; look from this side: we are living in an time where people kill in a traffic fight, kill for a hat, kill for fun. Plus, people have no money.people that have a safe job spend their energy to keep it,people that doesn't spend energy fighting for one;those who have a love distrust even of their own shadow, since there is a lot of sex in the market;plus we run like hell, we are slaves of the clock, can no longer lie in a hammock, reading a book, listening to music. There is so much to do that there is only a little time for feeling.Therefore, any feeling is welcome, even it is not euphoric, a joy, enthusiasmeven if it is melancholy. Feeling is a verb that is conjugated in, instead of doing that is conjugated out.
       Feel feeds you, feel teaches you, feel makes you quiet. Doing is very noisy sometimes.Feeling is a moment with ourselves, action is a party. Feeling can only be heard. Feel and do, both are needed, but only action gives you money, contacts, degrees, invitations, acquisitions. It seems that feeling is not good to climb in life.A person sad is avoided. It does not fit in the advertising world of toothpastes, carnivals. Sadness its like a plague, leprosy, infectious disease, a place that we don't wanna go. Ok, sadness is not really good for health, but introspection is a providential retreat because it is silenced when we talk with our own buds. And out of this conversation we gain light, lessons, signs, and after a while we are not sad anymore,making room for a new and revitalized joy.  
    Really sad is not feeling anything.